Being a foreigner in Poland has its advantages. For one, I can convincingly pretend not to understand Polish when the kanar (ticket-collector) catches me without a ticket on public transportation. I can also charge exorbitant amounts for English lessons as a “native speaker.” But there are more rewards than simply the ability to make use of a foreign language for financial gain. Living here in Poland has also given me some interesting experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise. For example, one thing I can say that many people can’t is that I’ve been married twice – without ever being divorced.

That’s not because expats are granted a bigamy allowance in Poland (though perhaps that’s something the government ought to consider) – I married the same woman; once in Poland and once in the U.S.

I learned very quickly that there are some significant similarities – weddings in both countries cost an arm and a leg (though you’ll get better value for your money in Poland), they are a headache to put together (we had help organizing both of ours), and getting married in either place can cause you to sweat bullets in some very formal and uncomfortable clothing. But there are some very important differences as well.

Time-honored traditions

As with everything in Poland, there are heaps of bureaucracy to deal with, especially when one member of the engaged couple is a foreigner. That differs little from the U.S., of course, where marrying an immigrant is no less of a hassle. But in Poland one must not only wade through the government’s red tape — there is also a certain amount of bureaucracy required by the Catholic Church in Poland.

The inconvenience that foreigners usually find most irritating is the marriage classes. Now, I know that this is also hardly exclusive to Poland – religious organizations in many countries require couples to attend courses before getting married. But here, not only do those courses include a priest droning on for hours about the miracle of love, they also require participants to endure a lesson on the finer points of the “rhythm method” of birth control. Most people these days don’t subscribe to such notions, and yet each year thousands sit patiently through the awkward lecture, bravely repressing either laughter or tears.

Still, there are those who refuse to undergo this ordeal and yet are determined to have a church wedding anyway. This can be achieved by finding an agreeable priest – usually a friend of the family – willing to sign off on the required paperwork without any of the lessons. A surprising number of couples perform this trick – surprising if you’re unfamiliar with Polish culture. The seasoned expat knows that such practices are all part and parcel of the time-honored Polish tradition of circumventing unwanted bureaucracy.

Superstitious minds

As in the U.S., where we have our superstitions about weddings (something old, something new, something borrowed, etc.), the Poles have their own hang-ups as well.

It’s widely known, for example, that one must hold one’s wedding in a month whose name contains the letter “R”. This is obvious to any Pole, who will tell you that it’s bad luck otherwise. What happens when the couple is bilingual? Well, supposedly the superstition only holds for Polish month-names, but just in case you want to cover all your bases in both Polish and English, I can tell you that the only months which contain an “R” in both languages are March, September, October and December.

Moreover, contrary to American sensibilities, Poles say rain on your wedding day actually brings good luck. Thus, if you want to be sure you’ve chosen a serendipitous date for your wedding day, don’t aim for a sunny June wedding. Instead, choose October and hope for rain.

Ring of fire

Once the “I dos” have been said, all that remains is the ring. Now, growing up in the States, I was always taught that one wears one’s wedding ring on the left hand, as it is closer to the heart. In Poland though, they wear it on the right hand. This can lead to some embarrassing faux pas. If you insist on wearing your wedding ring on your left hand, be aware that in Poland it doesn’t necessarily send the same signal as it does at home.

No wedding would be complete without the party, and both Americans and Poles know how to throw a bash – but it must be admitted that Poles know how to do it better. A Polish wedding party can last for days (and nights!) while by midnight most American wedding receptions are winding down. But Polish weddings aren’t all fun and games. The free flow of vodka increases your chances of a very drunk conversation with a little-known member of your new family. The slurring makes it nearly impossible for anyone but an expert Polish speaker to decipher what he’s saying. But there are ways to make the best of the situation – maybe you could convince him to take some rather expensive English lessons.

Andrew Kureth